Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Unknowing, unknowing.

I wish you wouldn’t leave me hanging here without a clue,
I need something more than this from you,
You drop a bombshell on me,
And think it’s just okay to leave.
No explanations, no reasons,
Now I don’t know what to believe in,
Everybody’s got a theory on what’s wrong,
Just know I’ll believe your song.



I wish I could be there for you, but I can’t, and I’m not, and I just want you to understand.

I’m scared for you, I’m scared for me, I’m scared of everything we’ll end up being.

I wake up each morning, look around, wonder why I was scared, and then reality comes crashing in, and I just know.

I’m going to put my earphones on, try to forget about you, and pretend like nothing’s wrong.


I want to feel the pain, because when I finally get to take that painkiller, it just feels so damn good.


I’m tuning you out, numbing the pain, I’m trying to pretend I’ve gone insane.
I'm tuning you out, numbing the pain, hoping everything will wash away in the rain.


I want nothing more than to be there next to you. I value you so much more now that I’m gone. I understand so much more now that I’ve left. I feel so much more now that you’re hurt. And I’m not there. And it hurts.

Sometimes I wonder if these tears are just a desperate attempt at emotion.

It makes me vulnerable to know that I’m crying over a possibility that may never happen at all.
That might be nothing at all. Or something very small.
Either way, it’s you I care about. Big or small, something’s happening, so I’m worried.
Still wish I wouldn’t cry though.


All of the above are random things I came up with.
You didn't have to read them.
Really.
It wasn't about quality in all of these. But I've certainly got quantity.
I like the first two lines in this post. The poem thing. The stuff in tiny writing below it was supposed to be rap-like and random-er and unrelated-ish to the first two lines. So yeah. That's why it's so weird.

To : Tabi.
Mm. These quotes and stuff were a mixture of thinking of you and listening to 'Scared of Lonely' by Beyonce and some bits could relate to Fera as well. Btw, go listen to the song. Scared of Lonely. It's good. I love it. Heh. Miss you. Well, that's not exactly the word. I'm more worried and frustrated and annoyed and wanting to know. Something. Anything.

Curiosity kills me.

Unknowing, unknowing,
Won't you release me from your hold?

That didn't make sense, and wasn't poetic, but. I'm failing at poetry right now, so I couldn't care much. I could always use the basis to form a more beautiful piece in the future.

Take care.

Love.
- Lavinia.

P.S. - This sounded like an email. And I'm in the middle of writing one to you right now. Maybe that's why this is so email-like. o_o Hah.
By 'you', I mean Tabitha, of course.